Angus Ryall

 This isn't an obituary. Angus Ryall is not dead; as far as I know. So what's it for? Well, writing about Games Workshop made me go back and read again Angus Ryall's short lived Front Line column in CRASH and I think it's great and contains some of CRASH's best writing about games (and also, frequently, not about games). I just want to talk about it. Sorry, this is one for me.

October 1984, CRASH issue 9. On page 30, editor Roger Kean talks to Angus Ryall about the Games Workshop software range. Page 76 sees the introduction of the magazine's new Front Line column written by Angus Ryall (I've linked to all the Front Line columns at the bottom of this page).

We have been conscious for some time that CRASH has had two weaknesses and these have been in the areas of adventure games and war/strategy games. The former problem was solved when Derek Brewster kindly agreed to write an adventure column and review the games. We are now able to overcome the second weakness - and this issue sees the start of our war gamers column put together for us by ANGUS RYALL Angus is the Software Marketing Manager for Games Workshop Ltd. As such he brings with him his experience not only of software but also the over view of strategy games in general.

From interview to job in 46 pages. Nice work. I wonder if the offer to write Front Line gave Roger Kean pause for thought? He goes some way to explain his logic in the quote above but the situation seems complicated by Angus Ryall's day job. Games Workshop make strategy games. Angus Ryall promotes them. He is also reviewing the output of Games Workshop competitors. I guess the counter to complaints of bias was that, Angus Ryall's column was not simply poured onto the blank pages of CRASH. It was read and sub-edited, and any conflict of interest could be snipped before it went to the printer [1].

I missed all this. I didn't start reading CRASH until issue 13, February 1985. Thus my introduction to Angus Ryall was an enigmatic piece on the editorial page.

What could it mean? I've written before about how reading that issue of CRASH felt like entering a strange new world and there was nothing stranger than those few paragraphs; what's Angus Ryall, why has he shattered into gin-soaked pieces, who was John Merry and where was Scorpio Gamesworld?

I'd learn some answers in the March 1985 issue when Angus Ryall turned up to apologise for missing the previous month's copy date (not for the first time, apparently). It's not a great month for strategy games but what immediately grabbed my attention was the terrific piece of gonzo journalism that opens the section:

I'm back again, and just about suitably psyched up to deliver another vituperative harangue. In case you didn't realise I missed last month's copy date yet again (this is getting boring) but it wasn't my fault Your Honour, there were mitigating circumstances! You see, my fiance and I live in a (how shall we put this?) derelict house, which we actually own (fools!) and intend to renovate, flog and make a hefty profit on, Unfortunately, there are some slight drawbacks to living in this salubrious joint, like the fact that when it snows it actually comes right down the chimney into the living room — and of course going to the loo becomes a major Arctic expedition. Once you've got the huskies hitched up, you have to negotiate a ten-root high mountain of bricks in the backyard. The loo itself is frozen up, and sitting on it is something else — it leaves your posterior feeling like it's been ravaged by a rampant squid.

That's just the opening. The rest wanders entertainingly from the perils of house renovation, to thoughts on Knight Lore and Dark Star, to the EMAP Christmas party, to spending five days at the Earls Court Toy Fair, to the dangers of relying on microdrives. Where to begin? To be honest, if I read this today my response would probably be, "yes, I've read Hunter S Thompson as well, thanks," but in 1985 I had no point of comparison. My reading had moved straight from THE BEANO and BUSTER to CRASH. This was, as Aldous Huxley wrote, "the kicking open of my doors of perception ". The RADIO TIMES was always in our house but John Craven's Back Page didn't prepare me for frank discussions about Angus Ryall's frozen bottom; that rampant squid line still makes me laugh. I was still getting used to CRASH being irrelevant about games (something I took terribly seriously) but this writing wasn't about anything, was that even allowed? By the end of the issue I still didn't really know who Angus Ryall was or why he was in the magazine (I was a dull child) but I was hooked. Fortunately for me, the next month was even better.

April's introduction focused on the LET Show [2]. It didn't ramble as much but it included some entertaining thumbnail sketches of attendees, "Denton Designs — now how come these people never produced anything classy while they were at Imagine?" and "Realtime Software, who so far as I could make out are three beer-gutted, cider-swilling, bearded heavy metal lovers". What really stood out were the two reviews.

Review two (I'm doing these backwards, okay) was for Red Shift's The Tripods. It was a masterclass in nailing the flaws of a game in a few paragraphs. And, for me, was a welcome, if too late, lesson in the importance of reading reviews before buying a game. Check out the Red Shift entry if you want to learn about the mysterious door in Stoke Newington that was the final destination for my £12.95. I loved the television series and I still do, although I'm acutely aware of its terrible terrible flaws, and I wonder if I would have still brought the game if I'd read Angus Ryall's final summary [3]:

Overall verdict: However much you liked the TV series, don't buy this game. You'd be better off waiting for Ocean's Frankie.

Review one was for Alien by Argus Press Software. It's a well written review and a great piece of writing about a game. If the purpose of a review of a bad game (let's say... oh, The Tripods) is to explain why you shouldn't spend your money on it no matter how much you are excited by the cover photograph [4]. Then the purpose of a review of a good game goes beyond just saying, this is good and you should buy it. Any yahoo with thumbs can type that. The real skill comes from giving a sense of how the game plays, the atmosphere, and how the game makes you feel. A good review should make you want to play the game immediately. Angus Ryall's review of Alien does all that and more, and I'm not going to quote any of it because you should go and read it. 

Angus Ryall didn't contribute to CRASH for long. Eight issues. This surprises me. He looms larger in my memory of the magazine than in reality. A few years later I was able to see what I'd missed by picking up the early issues he'd written for, October and November 1984, and January 1985 (yes, he missed the December issue deadline). Front Line is written with an attitude right from start in October 1984:

Everyone knows that wargamers thrive on complexity. and this is what has kept the hobby elitist for so long. Traditional wargames/strategy games have been virtually impossible for mere mortals such as you or I to crack, and the small number of people playing them has also kept their prices ridiculously high The arrival of home computers should have changed all that, by getting rid of the number-crunching and all those fiddly little card counters that always end up down the back of the settee. There should by now be as many decent strategy games available as adventures - but there aren't. Having just gone through a pile of strategy games I think I'm beginning to understand why. The people writing them for the Spectrum are giving the sector a bad name - it s the same old idea, of making the players bust a gut to play the game, that has kept traditional wargaming such a minority pastime Most of these games have abominable graphics, laughable points systems, and unintelligible instructions They lend to be long winded and very slow, and one or two are just plain idiotic. Only a couple here were actually enjoyable to play

That's the Front Line mission statement. Smart games don't have to look bad or be boring to play and there's a difference between a game which is hard to beat and hard to play.

CRASH was irreverent and not afraid of a scrap, and Angus seems to have deliberately concentrated that attitude into his three pages. There's a lot of joking about things that went unwritten in other magazines. His first column takes a look at six games and divides them into three categories. The first category, dodos, are described as:

These were the real pits - don't even waste your tape on copying them.

That's the software marketing manager of Games Workshop joking in a best-selling magazine, that relies on income from adverts paid for by software sales, that some games are too bad to even be worth pirating. That's bold. Then, barely a column of text later:

This [game] comes, incidentally. from Argus Press, who publish all sorts of really naff computer magazines:

Again, everyone knew Argus Press' computer magazines weren't very good but it was unusual to write it down. One of the reasons I loved CRASH was because of its occasionally allowed the reader a glimpse behind the editorial curtain, to show not just the process of making the magazine but the mood in the office. Angus Ryall writes up a cracking glimpse in the introduction to the November 1984 Front Line:

CRASH has been told that its review of a certain game, should have been upgraded and we have risked losing the advertising from the company that produces it (money we get from advertising pays a large proportion of running costs, so it keeps the cover price down). I'd just like to point out to these cowboys that this kind of petty blackmail produces, if anything, an even more negative approach from writers. It's about time some of these people realised that a reviewer is paid to write what he or she feels about a game, and not what the game producer feels about it. For the record, as I didn't write the review, I've reviewed this particular game again and found myself in total agreement with the previous reviewers. You'll have to guess which one it is, but I expect that even those of you with really short memories will get it.

The game was Conquest by Cheetasoft. Angus Ryall's verdict: "go forth and watch TV." 

There was no Front Line column in December 1984 but a jubilant Angus Ryall wrote in the CRASH Christmas Special (January 1985):

Direct response! I've finally done it! Two issues ago I bemoaned the fact that the software industry was so complacent- it seemed that no matter what I wrote or said, I couldn't get through the thick skins of the people who need to buck their ideas up. But - over the last month it seems to have worked.

First of all John Merry (of Reichswald fame -now of Scorpio Gamesworld) rang up to say that not only was Reichswald a brilliant game (a point which I obviously missed when reviewing it) but that my remarks about his girth wore totally unfounded and libellous. Quoth he: 'This kind of petty slander makes my blood BOIL!
Me: Sorry John, I was only trying to liven up a really tedious subject, '
I was hoping that John would send in a couple of 'before and after' pics as irrefutable proof, but instead he burbled on about withdrawing all Scorpio's advertising from CRASH (ho-hum, here we go again) which is probably why Roger is refusing to pay me. My apologies also go out to Argus Specialist Press, whose representatives threatened me with legal action and/or severe bodily dismemberment - I didn't really mean to say anything horrible about your wonderful magazines chaps, I was of course talking about EMAP (at this point the editor grasps me firmly round the windpipe. As I feel the life-force draining from my limbs I manage to scrawl ONLY JOKING PEOPLE, I LOVE YOU ALL)!

Incidentally, this is the source of the Ryalled Again article that so mystified me in February 1985. John Merry was so cross about the inaccuracies in Angus Ryall's apology that he phoned up Roger Kean to complain again.

The January 1985 Front Line has two introductions. The one quoted above, and another on the following page:

Okay, now I know that you lot out there aren't going to be particularly worried about this, but all that stuff above was in fact written for the last issue...  All that happened was that in my unhinged state of mind (brought on by an overdose of gin) I missed the deadline. The reason I mention this is because I very nearly missed the deadline for this issue too, on account of a close encounter with death.

As I drove into my day job (even we famous journalists have day jobs - hyperactive Derek Brewster's got about eight!) the other day, my motorbike and I parted company on the rear wing of a black Cadillac limousine (this bit's not entirely true - it was an Austin Allegro really) which I could have sworn was being driven by one of the Argus heavies - or was it someone from Domark? Anyway, your heroic correspondent flew through the air for some distance, crash landed on a cat's eye and only narrowly missed death at the hands of at least 34 juggernauts. Meanwhile my bike was elsewhere, battered and bent. Shaken, but not stirred, I crawled over to the side of the road and duly collapsed. I awoke in hospital with the thought that I had only another twelve hours to meet the CRASH deadline, so you'll have to forgive me if some of these reviews are a little less thoughtful and caring than usual; but you know how it is better read than dead.

The big problem Angus Ryall had is that he was right at the bottom of the CRASH pecking order. The magazine grabbed all the big obvious games for its main reviewing team; so a game like Shadowfire or even Minder (a strategy trading game with role playing elements, no, really) would get reviewed in the main section. Then, anything with fantasy or adventure themes would go to Derek Brewster, and Angus Ryall would get the rest. As early as November 1984 he was writing:

Finally, I hope that as Christmas approaches, I might actually have some new games to write about - a little birdie at BEYOND tells me that just as Lords of Midnight worked better as a strategy game than a quest, so will Doomdark's Revenge (just staking my claim to a review copy, chaps) - with luck it'll be just one of many strategy masterpieces.

Angus never did get to review Doomdark's Revenge. His first CRASH SMASH award was for Alien, four issues later. While it was always amusing to read his blunt dismissal of a "pathetic little program" like Thermonuclear War . It must have been frustrating to keep being given games from the bottom tier:

One of the [loading] messages in the game says LEAVE PLAY DEPRESSED. Too right Mikhall.

Angus' writing style settles down after the first few issues and his bile is directed at games, rather than people or software companies or rival magazines, perhaps Roger Kean had a quiet word. I'd like to write that Front Lines disappeared in a flurry of writs or a two-fingered editorial shriek but actually it just... stopped. The July 1985 issue is his last. There's nothing in the August or September 1985 issues, no Angus Ryall is unwell type messages, and then in October 1985:

As regular readers of CRASH will be aware, Angus Ryall of Games Workshop has been our strategy reviewer for a goodly chunk of time. However. Angus is now interested in developing other areas of his life and is relinquishing his regular column. This doesn't mean that Angus is never going to write for us again . expect to see the occasional vituperative contribution from Angus between the CRASH covers from time to time.

Sean Masterson will be occupying the Frontline from now on — two days after he started work In CRASH Towers, we found he was a keen strategist, and so we gave him a desk, and told him he was editor of the Frontline column . . . over to you, Sean.

Not to be overly cruel to Sean Masterson, who I'm sure is a lovely person who stops to stroke cats in the street, etc, etc, but this was when I stopped reading Front Line. Giving the column to someone who also contributed to the main body of the magazine stripped it of a distinct authorial voice. There is no point in trying to work what happened behind the scenes that led to Angus Ryall moving on. But obviously I'm going to try anyway.

The CRASH History devotes four lines to the subject:

October 1984
One of the questing visitors was Angus Ryall of Games Workshop, but he stayed longer than most, becoming our strategy columnist for the new Frontline. 

And, October 1985
...new staff member, Sean Masterson, who took over Frontline after a two-month gap left by Angus Ryalls departure from computer gaming.

There's also a reply to a reader by Letters Editor Lloyd Mangram in the January 1986 issue:

Angus stopped writing for CRASH because he got a different 'day time' job at Games Workshop when they stopped doing computer software, and because he wanted to do more writing along the line of short stories and things.

I should really just take this at face value. Games Workshop ended their software line at the end of May 1985, which would be around the time that the July 1985 issue was being put together. However...

Graeme Kidd joined CRASH as assistant editor in March 1985. He became editor in August 1985. There's no Front Line in this issue but Angus Ryall's name is still listed as Strategy Reviewer. Normally this would be a mistake, caused by reusing the previous month's masthead to save time. Except, the August 1985 masthead was rewritten to include Graeme Kidd and new contributing writer Mark Hammer.  It looks like the expectation was there, that he would submit something. Did Angus Ryall miss the deadline again? The same credit is there in September 1985 but it could be a production mistake this time.

Did Graeme Kidd like Angus Ryall? That's the question I'm dancing around. I think it's reasonable to assume Roger Kean found Ryall amusing. It's hard to believe Angus Ryall would have been given as much latitude to miss deadlines and insult people if Roger Kean didn't like him. I can't help but notice that Angus Ryall stops contributing to CRASH as soon as Graeme Kidd takes the editor's chair. And also that John Minson, who demonstrated he could write in the same style as Angus Ryall becomes an increasingly important part of the editorial voice of the news pages. Culminating in him writing a monthly column in the Hunter S Thompson style Angus Ryall pioneered. Check out Ryall's January 1985 description of the Cambridge Awards:

As I entered the Ritz in my rainbow-striped jumper and my hardware jeans, I sensed that something was not quite right - why wasn't I being thrown out on my ear for not wearing a tie? Well apparently if you are going to a private function then you don't have to . Great, I thought; lets just head straight for the bar in my usual manner. Having located the 'Marie Antoinette' suite. I made the mistake of asking the barman for a drink. I say mistake because the man was fairly well blasted by the time I arrived and he could only understand the kind of 'tourist' French that the waiters oil heft to spik, (Was he on a percentage from Beefeater?) Anyway, I got a gin big enough to farm salmon in, topped up with about two millimetres of tonic water. Now I'm not actually that keen on neat gin, so I asked one of the floating French penguins to fetch me a bitter lemon so that I could mix it with the half-pint of gin. A minute later he returned with a slice of lemon on a stick: 'Your beet urv limon monsieur, ' he said!
Things went from bad to worse, RUSSELL AND Carol from White Dwarf arrived, already half cut, and pounced on a QL chap, hoping to have a meaningful discussion about artificial intelligence. The man was so scared he ran away. The waiters wrested our half empty glasses from our hands and topped them up with yet more neat gin. By now I had started to acquire a taste for neat gin, and when I was accosted by the Argus heavies I was able to fend them off with a bottle of (yes, you guessed it) gin. Julian Fuller from Micronet got very earnest with a man from Telecom about MultiUser Dungeon. I think that If ever a nuclear war is imminent I shall book myself into the Ritz, because it's the only place I know where you can get drunk in under eight minutes without even trying!

It's not wildly different from John Minson's first column, except gin has been replaced by Bloody Marys. It's as if Graeme Kidd wanted the tone of an Angus Ryall piece but not the person. 

Or this could all be bilge.

These are the links to the individual Front Line pages, the text afterwards is how the column was described on the contents page.

October 1984: Our new column for wargamers by Angus Ryall
November 1984: More strategical thinking from Angus Ryall
January 1985: Angus Ryall soaks up the gin
March 1985: Angus Ryall apologises yet again
April 1985: Angus takes a look at ALIEN and TRIPODS
May 1985: Angus Ryall flings a few more grenades about
June 1985: Angus Ryall fights through the deadline
July 1985: The column they're coming to call 'Deadline'
October 1985: The strategy column is back, but Angus isn't The vile-penned Ryall hands over his mantle to Sean Masterson who examines THE RATS and CONVOY

[1] I feel slightly mean pointing this out but anyone who wants to get a really good eyeful of a conflict of interest should take a look at page 30 of the December issue of WHITE DWARF. The magazine published by Games Workshop prints enthusiastic reviews Tower of Despair, D-Day, and Battlecars. Three games published by, oh!, Games Workshop. The game review pages were edited by Russell Clarke who, oh!, was part of the team that wrote Tower of Despair that was published by Games Workshop and reviewed in WHITE DWARF the Games Workshop magazine. Oh!
[2] Leisure Electronics Trade Show, it ran at Olympia from 17th-19th February.
[3] Yes. I was a dull child.
[4] Are you listening, me, in 1984?
[5] The section from Jason Ayres letter asking about Angus Ryall has been lost. Edited out by a production mistake when the text of the letter was adjusted to flow over two pages. It's annoying. Unless.... this could be the dangling thread to unravel a conspiracy of Watergate-esque proportions. [I flee from Black Helicopters to a secret meeting in an underground car park]

If you are Angus Ryall or indeed John Minson then please send an email to whereweretheynow@gmail.com. I welcome any information that demolishes my shoddy conspiracy theories. Regular perps can follow me on Bluesky @shammountebank.bsky.social or mark an X on their window and illuminate it with a desk lamp.